Lalang // Impartial

Earlier of this year if I am correct, Malaysian have a little battle on why the movie Beauty and The Beast doesn't get a chance to air in the cinema unlike any other movies. Rumors had it it was due to a short clip that was claimed as a 'gay scene', too gay for a decent Malaysian. The film board decided it with all due respect to Islam, since any decisions that are being taken in Malaysia must favor to Muslims first before it is cater to other religion that are free to practice here in the country. But worry not because usually at the end, the decision must be made through concrete analysis based on firm reasons. So no bias decision here. No upper hand too. (Go google it yourself why they ban it)

 Okay long story short, what I was trying to tell here is that how the arguments on the decision of banning Beauty and The Beast were on fire. I literally swayed my opinions left and right after reading some debate and in which make me realize one thing; getting to know myself - I am an impartial person. In Bahasa, we call it lalang.

  If we look up to the definition of impartial is treating all rivals or disputants equally or fairly be equal to a tense fight. You are neither agree with the right side nor the lefties. Simply, you nod and close it as "Everyone has their own reasons let's just respect each person." But now, putting myself in the middle of the situation, what is exactly my opinion? Do I have a word on the matter? Where should I put myself at? Atas pagar huh?

I'd find myself as a weak person for not having an exact stance worth fighting for. What's the point living with educated brain if I do not stand for anything I believe in or is it because I really do not have a standpoint?

First thing that came up after a quick reflection.

I am scared to not fit in.

  That is it. I think I was scared that I do not belong to a certain group (at the point a topic was debated on) which is why I didn't give my 2 cents since I feel it wasn't worth the penny? Even during a debate practice I would find myself sitting in the corner just to observe my fellow exchanging thought. I remembered how my belief was swoosh around because both side of the argument were too good I'd thought of giving up listening to them. I can't recall what we were discussing about but my brain hurt so much ever since. Logically, a truest form of ground wins but sometimes the feel of empathy to the not-being-heard side was what made me impartial. I gave both side chances to rise and made them feel belong to the society.

And now I'm losing balance on par.

Me. A coward impartial person who doesn't have solid standpoint to be proud of.

911

Yours truly,

Shameless lalang.