In The Middle of Nowhere

Ya Allah, I don't know why is it lately, I feel so distracted. I feel lost in my own track that I have originally planned to be a perfect pathway for me to reach my goals at the end of this semester. I am just so lost.

In the middle,

of nowhere.

 For the past few weeks I have immersed (not intentionally of course) myself with few events that turned out to be cancelled at the end because of some problems that we, the crew just cannot find a solution for it. It was so devastating for me since I have poured all my energy to it, I have wasted quite a few times of study because of them. I missed the morning class to compensate all my times for sleep. My schedule went all over the places. I couldn't not even handle myself anymore.

Nevertheless, I am just a normal human being. And I need rest.

For God sake, how on earth people survived university's life? 4 more weeks to final and I've already feel numb. Today's post will be slightly a deeper thoughts than ever because I really wanted to pour all my inner voices right now. All the little things that bothers me, that are weighting the burden in me. It's just the time that I need to let it go, thorough this post.

Last night I stayed up late until 2 am, if I'm not mistaken, just to have a Youtube videos played but with me staring blankly on the screen. It was supposed to be a very chills time since I don't remember the last time  I have a time for myself. I should have smiled and enjoyed every bit of it but somehow, I don't. My brain scattering through all the thinking of how am I supposed to ace my final exam for this semester with a endless feels of tired, endless stress, how am I supposed to be relaxed, how should I finish all the books that I have bought because I really do want to read them all but, sigh, times. How am I supposed to put my life back together? 

What if I will never able to put my life back together?

What if I fail at the end? What am I supposed to do?

Run?

Now, I feel like I am going to cry. Everything doesn't make senses anymore. 

With another one final event that I was supposed to work for it but goddamn the Board doesn't give us a final say of should we continue our event or not. The midst of 'guys-I-want-to-held-an-event-but-so-many-problems-let's-just-pause' is torturing me. Okay? Do you really want to do it or not? If there are too many obstacles that you think that we can't cater on, then just put a stop before we waste more times, energy and money. Come on.

Because of this particular case, I have promise myself to not involve with any kind of events, or Board members anymore in the next semester. By hook or by crook, I shall not fall with any invitations from other friends unless I really want to. Really want to. This is a lesson to learn. Making yourself busy with the unknown is stupid. 

All I ever wanted to is to pass my exam with flying colors. I want to make my parents proud so bad that I would make anything to reach that goal. Unfortunately, the Board is playing hide-and-seek with the crew. Guys, I need to ace this semester!

Ya Allah, please ease my journey. I feel exhausted and distracted nowadays.
Please.