Functional Freeze: but I Keep On Updating It

 

this will be a growing post as I intended to type this in, and comeback to it to reflect on it. I know I could just leave in draft, but posting it will pressure me to update it as soon as I should.

log update: 22nd February

What if I was wrong about myself all this time?

log update: 29th January .

On December I kinda decided to map out my 2025. Input a lot of events and activities that I'm going to do to fill in the whole year. You know last year was a bit bland, except for the beginning of 2024. I was "freeze"-ing. I did spend a lot of times with family. I was just lacking, myself. On the map I wrote exactly things I can do alone or with anyone (if anyone interested in joining in). 

I saved a lot of  IG reels throughout 2024 with no action plan to do all of them. Oh my god I sounds like my company. Anyways, re-writing it on paper makes it feel legit? It feels real. On January I want to go Build A Bear (which I did!) and want to have dinner with my best friends (yesss we finally reunited!). And on February I'm planning to go this specific cafe to taste their croissant pizza, uhh, pizza croissant. whatever, and I'm about to go in 2 weeks from today! 

  Always left me wonder was it the paper? Hmm, I always know journaling helps us to picture our plan better, but I didn't know it was this magical. Had always been journaling my entire life after an event. Now I know I should do it before it happens, so it can happens :)

Original starting date 30th August

Functional Freeze.

Can't believe there's a term for a condition I lived in entirely. I cannot describe this in better words. Ergo, I let Google to help you to find out the meaning behind it, while I bed-rotting on same Wild Child scene because I love Poppy's a-hole attitude. Come on, I didn't start it, it wasn't my fault, and if this were America, I would sue. *Cue protagonist 

  

  Additionally, I need to point out I'm not sure if I like living in a world in which every situation we live has a very specific term to it. Don't you feel creepy about it? When I saw a reel from a certified therapist (apparently), they said 2 factors are contributing to me feeling freeze or stuck. I have always thought it was because I don't have life goals. Technically when you don't set yourself to a specific dream, you are most likely to space out, living your life just for the sake of breathing in and out. It was trauma and stress by the way. I know right, shocking. Then, how do we get out of it?

  

Common suggestion is to do visualisation. Ahah, I knew it! It's because I didn't have a life goal. If I have a life goal, then I can visualise my future, in turn, will move my nervous systems to go to work in the right direction. They actually find the cure for it! Alright, so let's pretend that it had its desired effect shall we?

Screw them, as of now, it doesn't have the desired effect.

Sometimes, I wish specialist just narrow down all this terms, and blame it on basic thing like, "Oh you are bed-rotting because you don't have goals." instead of making up a name for it. No jokes, there are numerous infographics and a complete brain map literally pointing it out, "Ok Izyan, this is the reason you feel stuck, remember the trauma that got you in 2013?". We should applaud researcher for finding out the cure and all, but it seems excessive, at this point.

  Work's goal is strenuous enough, now I have to make my own life goal? It's imperative that I make a phone call to my mom and ask her to create a KPI for me. After all, she has been through it, she would know what's best for me, isn't? Or should I be normal and let Instagram algorithm provide more intentional reels that cater to my needs or should I manifest?

My mind is fogging now, I think we should continue brainstorming after I finish this movie.

For like the tenth time.

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